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Autism Intervention or Connection?

June 13, 2013 By applestars

I wanted to share my experiences with intervention with my sons with autism, and maybe now that I have perspective, see what was useful and what wasn’t as important as I had thought.

Language Intervention

I have three children diagnosed with autism. One was diagnosed at 3.5 years old, another at 5 years old, and the other at 2 years old (this is how I’ll refer to them in this post). All started intervention within 3 months after diagnosis. The 2 and 3.5 year old sons didn’t learn to expand their speaking at the developmentally appropriate time (some time between 18-24 months). Both began to learn to speak quickly with the right-matched intervention (one eventually became proficient in speaking; one is moderately verbal). My 2 year old received “early intervention” with the public system. He learned nothing from them in the six months they provided six hours a week one-on-one in my home. When I started my well-matched intervention, he immediately began to learn. The 2 year old became age appropriately verbal at 5.5 years old. Interestingly, the leap came for him the summer without any interventions after rooming with the older brother with autism. The 3.5 year old is my partially verbal child.

My 5 year old had chronic ear infections from 1 year to 2 years old. I figured his language delay was because of that, though his language was also “disordered.” He had other unusual traits, but I figured he was just unique. He was diagnosed with high functioning autism. Because of his basic language skills, I prioritized the other two. For language intervention, he went to a speech-language program at the local university for about a year and a half between 6 and 7 years old. There were a few successes there. I did a one-on-one intervention with him for about six months when he was 8. He learned quite a bit because I individualized it. He became age appropriately verbal maybe around 13-14 years old.

What did I learn in retrospect? First, it’s only relevant to supply “early intervention” at the appropriate developmental time frame for learning the skill. Language intervention is started so early because language usually begins between 1 and 2 years old. I didn’t teach preschool skills at 1, and I didn’t teach addition in preschool. Second, early intervention doesn’t guarantee outcome. All of my sons with autism are grown now. Who is my most competent adult child? My son diagnosed at 5 who received limited intervention. And, third, the biggest growth for each of my children is when I individualized the intervention with the core being making a connection and linking to an interest, not just teaching a skill as a means to an end.

Social Intervention

The next focus I had was for social intervention. I remember clearly a lesson I learned two years after the diagnosis. Because we were moving away, I had a going away party for all those involved in helping the boys progress. I noticed my 3.5 year son spent most of the time sitting on the stairs watching, and the 5 year son also kept to the outskirts, but my 2 year son was in the middle of everyone. I commented to a wise friend how I found the differences in their autism so different. She pondered for a moment, and replied, “I don’t see it as autism at all. The 3.5 year and the 5 year sons remind me of your hubby and is more introverted, and the 2 year son is more social like you.” That was a shift I needed badly. Of course! A diagnosis of autism doesn’t negate the inherent personalities and traits and learning styles they have as individuals.

So, first my intervention for social skills started with age appropriate development in this area. For instance, learning and being social begins with the ability to imitate, so that’s what we started with at two years old with my younger son. We built up in skills from there. Interestingly, I realize I subconsciously took into account each child’s own individualized time for learning these skills based on their temperaments and interest. As mentioned, my two year old was a much more naturally social child than my 3.5 year or my 5 year sons. Therefore, I didn’t focus on specific social interventions for my 5 year son until he was around 9, after realizing he was doing just fine when I put him in a preschool at 5 and a co-op preschool at 6. My 3.5 year son was introduced to social intervention around 5. But my 2 year son enjoyed it around 3. When I speak about this, I’m particularly talking about intervention with their peers. Before that, we were building relationship connections with the adults in their lives through interest-based interactions.

What did I learn in retrospect? I learned not to put my social perspective on my sons. Not only did they have a different view on being social because of their being introverted and my being extroverted, but living with autism often draws their primary focus to their interests. My 5 year son loved his LEGO. He told someone when he was 9 years old that they were his best friends. Some might find that sad, but he was perfectly content. When his brain shift happened at 12, he wanted to become more social and asked for help, but he emphasized to me at the time, “But not TOO social.” I respected that. Like many introverts, my 3.5 year son prefers one to two close friends. These are those adults who take the time to appreciate his interests with him. For my social 2 year son, I found that my goal became giving him the skills to be social to the extent that he wanted so as to not allow autism to interfere with that area. Today, he enjoys being social especially with those close to him, but he finds his interests most important and has a group of on-line people interested in the same things. Of course, you may notice that I’m comfortable with the neurodiversity my children represent and haven’t tried to make them “normal heads” as my 2 year son refers to us, something he has no desire to become…haha!

Academic Intervention

Everyone may not know this about autism, but one of the things that can be prevalent is that they learn their alphabet and numbers at a young age. All three of my sons knew their alphabet between 1 and 2 years old just from typical toy, video, and puzzle interactions. Richard Scarry videos were a favorite. It took no effort on my part at all. However, my 2 year son learned to read at the traditional age of 7, and my 5 year son didn’t learn to read until 10, which is normal for a right-brained learner.

My 3.5 year son happened to love the alphabet and numbers as his special interest. As he started to learn language, he struggled to recognize the pronunciation well because of his weaker auditory input preference. He was highly visual for his input modality preference. He also had strong pattern and matching skills. With all of this in mind, I wondered if I taught him to read, he might be able to learn to speak more efficiently. I used his love of matching and his interest in the alphabet and alphabet books to teach him to read.

I bought a new alphabet book that was a lift-the-flap version and kept it from him. Each letter in the book had three words. I put the words on cards with a matching picture card for him to match. He quickly took to learning the words. After he learned the words through about H, I gave him the new alphabet book. Each flap had a word on it, and when you lift the flap, there’s a picture underneath. Basically, it was a natural self-correcting, self-teaching resource. As he started tor “read” the first pages, I saw his eyes light up! He realized he was reading a new book. When he got to the new words/pages, he was able to teach himself the new words. We moved onto a few other new books, like Brown Bear, Brown Bear and Chicka, Chicka, Boom, Boom. Eventually, he could continue learning more books and words on his own through read alouds. Sure enough, I was right. I could write out what language I was trying to teach him, and it helped him accurately pronounce words better.

What did I learn in retrospect? Having differences like autism doesn’t change how a child best learns. He still needs well-matched time frames, resources, and methods incorporating their interests to learn joyfully and optimally. I also discovered that early acquisition of skills have nothing to do with intelligence and has more to do with developmental readiness linked with traits that are used to match resources and methods. For instance, my gifted son learned to read at age 9, typical for a right-brained learner, using a resource and method that capitalized on his high visual and pictorial traits. Yet, my 3.5 year son (mental retardation IQ) learned to read at 4 because of his interest and knowledge of the alphabet along with his high visual and pattern traits. Today, my gifted son is my best reader, and my 3.5 year son capped out at about the third grade reading level.

Obviously, I’m not against early intervention. It’s just that I don’t believe in intervening before the developmentally appropriate time frame. I also believe that different learners deserve a well-matched learning environment with a strengths-based, interest-centered focus like every learner deserves. Further, every child still has their individual personality, temperament, and social characteristics that impact interactions, as well as having brain processing, input modality, and interest preferences that impacts learning. With all that I learned, is it really “intervention” or is it simply connecting with who your child is, what he needs, and why he does what he does? And is it really different no matter who you are? With all this in mind, I definitely applaud the movement toward embracing neurodiversity.

Filed Under: Autism, Homeschooling, Interests, Learning, Reading, Right-Brained/Visual-spatial Learners, Special Needs Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Our Culture of Family Separation and Peer Approval

January 7, 2013 By applestars

I don’t think we even notice this as a society. It’s so inculcated in our culture that we think it’s inevitable…even normal.

I first started to be bothered by it when I read an article about a researcher who looked into the family life of one of the Columbine shooters. He surmised he would find a poor family life hidden in a closet, but he concluded that they were a perfectly good family; one he would have enjoyed being raised in. So, what went unnoticed in his conclusion? Our culture of family separation and peer approval…the shooter’s family had no idea he had written pages and pages of sadness about his life (family separation), and though they recognized an unhealthy peer relationship, peer interaction and approval are “normal” so nothing permanent was done about it.

Then, I recently saw an innocent enough looking post from a mother about her 18-rule i-Phone contract with her newly-turned teenaged son. You’ll find a bunch of “atta girls” and “I’m gonna do the same thing” comments in response. My reaction? More evidence of family separation and peer approval at work. Interestingly, in her last rule, this mother states that “I am on your team” right after reminding her teen that she will inevitably take the i-Phone from him as punishment at some point in time. Um, how is this being on the same team? Because everyone thinks this interaction is NORMAL! Yet, I see family separation and peer approval at the center of this contract.

And, last, I heard another version of this idea of family separation and peer approval at the center of what we consider normal in a therapy session. One of my sons is experiencing quite a few different mental health difficulties so I decided to consult a therapist to talk out ideas I could use to help him navigate his life better. The therapist asked me what my goals were for the therapy, and I shared what I just said. He proceeded to explain to me that many people have ideas or thoughts in their heads that they may feel ashamed about or worried about and don’t even share it with their spouse. He said maybe 1% of marriages would share. The therapist proceeded to correlate that who would a young teen boy want to share maybe some worrisome ideas with…his mother!? His implication was, “Of course not!”

I explained to him that I totally understood where he was going with his analogy. BUT, our family is part of the 1%. We may not do it perfectly or anything, but I explained that it was part of the family culture I created was to learn about and practice open communication within the family unit.  And with seven children, five of whom have now reached our culture’s age of adulthood, we tell each other quite a bit. We discuss things many don’t or won’t. Again, it’s not perfect and I’m certainly not saying that I know everything there is to know about each of my children, but I know more than the average parent apparently based on various articles and descriptions of typical teen parenting problems.

How does the traditional parent-child paradigm develop? SCHOOL! Think about it:

How many parents seek out a preschool experience for their child to either give them a head start or to give them social opportunities? What does this say? The family unit isn’t sufficient to supply this (family separation) and that peer friendships need to be established young (peer approval). I found out fairly quickly that this wasn’t true when I put my oldest son in preschool for a semester.

Time to send your child to kindergarten. Your stomach is in knots and your child is crying. Or maybe not, because the children’s programming on television convinced your child to look forward to going to school. People commiserate with you as the parent telling you that it’s natural to feel torn but you’ll get over it eventually. What is this doing? It’s our culture reassuring you that family separation is what we do and you’ll eventually fall into the pattern of what that looks like (you’ll see…keep reading). It’s now time for peer approval to lead your child.

What is this you hear in first grade? Your child is shy and having a hard time making friends. Okay, what can you as the parent do? You can make sure your child has the latest fad clothing so that she can attract peer friends that way. Maybe you hook in with a few of the “favorite parents/children” and invite them over for some gatherings to help your child find the right friends. And how about volunteering in the classroom. It’s a great way for your child to get a bit of extra attention from everyone. These are innocent enough strategies, but they emphasize peer approval as the center of a child’s life at this point. Who cares if at home she’s perfectly competent socially? The family unit isn’t as important as the peer environment.

Now third grade rolls around and you find your child struggling learning to read still. It’s not good if a child learns by different methods or in a different time frame. You know she’ll get laughed at during read aloud time, called dummy, and put in a special reading group. You partner with the school to “figure out the problem.” You force the extra practice at home, hire a tutor, or get special therapy. This puts us in the role of us versus them. Family separation widens. How often can we admit that the underlying reasons we fear and aggressively pursue diagnosis or treatment is for peer approval…for you AND your child?

Fifth grade rolls around and your son is off at sleep overs, video game meet-ups, and traveling sports teams. You’re chauffeur, secretary, and team mom. This means all is going well! Family separation is on track, and peer approval is high.

Then comes teenhood and the demand from your child for the latest gadgets “like everyone else,” whether i-Phones, the right clothes, or attending the right activities. As parents, we expect our children will want us to drop them off at the corner, not show affection in public, or have them roll their eyes at us. The surly behavior of puberty is natural when family separation is basically complete. Shutting down our conversations with them about important issues is common when peer approval and direction is sought foremost in our culture. And the need for 18 rules to agree to by contract is necessary when we have to find a way to assert family interest when fighting our culture of family separation and peer approval.

As middle school progresses and high school begins, no wonder many parents don’t know if their child is doing drugs, drinking at parties, being bullied, having sex, cutting class, feeling anxious or depressed, driving recklessly, or any other number of things. What’s interesting is hearing stories about children being constantly bullied, for instance, and the parents know, but feel as powerless as their child as to what to do about it. Why is that? To me, it’s obvious. Get them the heck out of there. But our culture says these things: They have to stand up to bullies or they will always be bullied. (When was the last time you were bullied? Did you choose to stay in it, or leave?) It’s what you have to deal with as part of being in school; it’s mandatory. (We’re subconsciously taught to conform, but we have choices! Not every job, or every neighborhood will be bad. It should be good! Move, quit, find an alternative schooling environment!) My child is a failure if they don’t know how to not be bullied. (No, it’s the fault of the unsupported social environment. We declared it to be our right to the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. That includes while in school.) We just don’t recognize how much family separation and peer approval is now in effect.

By saying this, I’m not saying the way I did things is right and the way many schooling parents do things is wrong. What I’m saying is our culture values the latter and ridicules the former. For instance, because of how my children view the world…family connection is first and peer approval is optional, they are viewed as different, weird, sheltered, or unsocialized. Our culture heavily socializes our children from a young age to be peer-focused. When it’s the blind leading the blind, it creates an interesting dynamic. The core that makes this difference is the way our culture promotes family separation and peer approval.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Stuffed Animal Imaginary Friends

October 31, 2012 By applestars

In my book, The Right Side of Normal, I talk about imaginary friends being a representation of a right-brained child’s highly developed imagination. I also talk about the idea that right-brained children can view stuffed animals and toys as “real” ala Toy Story and The Velveteen Rabbit. Both my oldest artist son and my writer daughter enjoyed a strong attachment to their stuffed animals, but it wasn’t until my youngest dynamo son that I saw it taken to a whole other level.

It’s been at least five years, because this picture was taken shortly after we moved into our country home. You may have to look closely to see Teddy tucked down in there with him. He would have been seven years old here.

Most of his “best friends” have been teddy bears. Unfortunately, like the Velveteen Rabbit, these teddy bears get so aggressively loved at times, they don’t make it. This is something different from my two older children. On the other hand, my dynamo son is, well, a dynamo. But, he actually can have a whole crew of animals at his disposal. From a hand puppet hippo (who didn’t make it either), to dogs, elephants, penguins, owls, beavers, and horses. If they come into his possession, they make the clan.

But, he always has a favorite. And that favorite is part of his life. It’s not a matter of him saying, “Oh, let me have him to play with right now.” From the moment he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep, he is his constant companion.

From family fun time...

to playing video games...

to practicing soccer...

to homeschool time...

to catching his big fish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only time he doesn’t bring his stuffed animal imaginary friend with him is in public. But, he brings him in the car to and from the event, and if he feels the people involved would accept his “friend,” he’ll bring him along. In fact, at a homeschool corn maze gathering, he had his little pocket-sized elephant in his pocket (see the homeschool time picture).

His characterizations of his stuffed animal imaginary friends are quite elaborate and life-like. He knows I love his guys, and certainly they come in handy with motivating him to do various things. If my son doesn’t want to do something, I can always ask his teddy, who always has a willing heart. His soft-hearted bear also can help my son soften his own heart when he often has a more push-back oriented personality with his dynamo personality. It seems to make his emotional transitions easier if he has a buffer to work from indirectly.

I’ll miss when this stage is over…

Filed Under: Family, Interests, My Book, Right-Brained/Visual-spatial Learners, Unschooling Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Dressing Up Medieval-Style

October 24, 2012 By applestars

Admittedly, I’m not a dress-up kind of person. I’m not a decoration kind of person. Hmmm. Left-brained/right-brained stuff again? That kind of creativity just isn’t my thing at all. I’m very, very left-brained. I don’t do Halloween decorations or outdoor Christmas decorations. I pretty much have a Christmas tree. Even birthdays are low key around here. So, dressing up for a fun event has never been something I’ve done before…until now.

I found this really cool homeschooling group that offers art- and theater-infused history classes. I wrote a post about it here. The group meets weekly for two 6-week sessions in the fall and again in the spring. After each 6-week section, they have some kind of gathering to share what they’ve learned. Being that it’s art- and theater-focused, creativity is usually part of the theme of the gathering. The first one we were to attend was a Medieval Feast. Everyone was encouraged to come dressed for the part to create a festive atmosphere. I decided to give it a try! Even though I may be more Renaissance-oriented, it worked as a whole :-)

I am SO not creative, but somehow, *I*, little ole ME, actually came up with an idea and it worked! I’m kinda proud of myself. So, what you see here is my prom dress, yes, 30 years folks I kept it, now coming in handy. I couldn’t zip the back, but I had a specialized  white flouncy-sleeved shawl, and a vest I have from an old friend passed down from like 15 years ago that covered it. (Okay, I hold onto things! You never know when you’ll need them…like now! Haha!) And it worked, don’t you think? I even got to wear my brown boot-type shoes. It was actually kind of fun!

My daughter wore her old Halloween costume, and my theater son outfitted himself, which is his specialty, with all the stuff around our house, and helped his younger brother look a part as well.

One of my son’s classes was a medieval weapons class, so he showed us what he made.

 

 

 

 

And lo and behold, he got chosen as the king for the feast! He was so excited.

The feast was most  excellent and they even encouraged us all to bring food and dinnerware to reflect the medieval atmosphere. I was STUFFED!

There were all sorts of interesting costumes, including a dragon!

 

My younger son enjoyed trying to learn to juggle after seeing the jester do so earlier.

 

 

 

 

And we ended with an archery tournament.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Creative Outlets, Family, Homeschooling, Interests, Right-Brained/Visual-spatial Learners, Unschooling Tagged With: , , , , ,

Poolside Crop

September 22, 2012 By applestars

It’s been a long time since blogging here, and I hope to do so at least weekly. I’m thinking my Applestars blog will be about day-to-day learning with my kiddos while my The Right Side of Normal website will be for the philosophy. But, time will tell as it falls into place.

My hubby worked over a year…or two…to make a pergola in order to grow grapes. We thought it was a great place to add it to our log garage that’s next to our pool. It’s in its second year of growth and looks great.

Well, lo and behold, watermelon vines began to grow underneath the pergola/grapes, I assume from spit out seeds. We had a great crop of watermelon from this viral seed and reaped about 20 large, juicy specimens. The vines crept right up to the edge of the pool. To me, it was a great picture of country living, poolside!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

When Least Expected

October 24, 2011 By applestars

So, I’m trying to blog more and a few fun little unexpected things happened today when I least expected it that I thought would be fun to share.

Earlier in the day at co-op:  Joseph’s and William’s friend Sam was given a choice by his mother halfway through co-op to either stop and go to another park day that he enjoys or stay and play with William and Joseph at co-op.  He thought about it for a minute and said, “They’re rough (pointing at William and Joseph).  The ones at park day are (and he extended his hand and gestured so-so to mean “a bit soft”).”  Then he indicated with a “duh” face at his mother that it was a no-brainer decision; he’s staying to play with William and Joseph.   I had to laugh out loud at this because how many of us would consider it a bad thing to have “rough boys?”  First of all, they are, and when they are with other “rough boys,” they don’t seem all that rough because it works.  If they are with the so-so soft boys, then they look more rough than one would be comfortable.  It’s all about the fit!

Later in the evening, William and Joseph are playing their fishing video game.  As has been the case more often these days, they were playing cooperatively and kindly.  William came up to me as I was reading other blogs and showed me one of the new lures Joseph had recently bought and declared, “Look what Joe gave me!”  I immediately asked Joe, “Why’d you give William one of your new lures?”  Joe’s simple reply, “I just want to be a nice brother, mom.  Isn’t it good when we’re nice to each other?”  To defend myself, I have seen periodically these nice gestures one moment, in their heat of cooperation, just to be rescinded during a more common time of contention.  But guess what?  I have to keep allowing them the opportunity for their generosity to one another to stick :-)

 

Filed Under: Family

The Television Question

October 23, 2011 By applestars

In unschooling circles, the television and video game question will come up consistently.  Many unschoolers, especially radical unschoolers, talk about the idea of giving unlimited access to these types of things in order to prevent the “forbidden fruit” temptation from occurring.  This means that the more you forbid something, the more it is desired.  So, the idea is if you give a child unlimited access, he/she will saturate his/her need or desire for it and achieve balance.

I have a different perspective.  It’s not that I don’t think the above scenario works.  It might.  I just think differently and my perspective has seemed to work as well.  Since this television question is so prevalent in unschooling circles, I thought I might try to create a post about how it has worked in my house.

My older children don’t watch a lot of television now as either teens or adults.  I know each of them had their seasons of watching a lot of television when they were young.  Most of my older children enjoyed movies on VHS or DVD when they were growing up more than live television, though.  I remember a season of guilt for myself when I was horribly sick during a pregnancy and my then almost 2-year-old watched a bunch of television in order that I could survive it.  In fact, I think that happened on several occasions during pregnancies of various children for those in the home.  I released the guilt!  I don’t remember any of my older (birth) children having a problem with television viewing and balance when they were younger.  On the other hand, as a whole, I didn’t have a “free reign” policy, but I didn’t have a “dictator” policy, either.  I observed their choices, I gave them information, and if at any time I felt there was too much going on, or an out-of-balance situation happening, I would let them know I wanted the television turned off for that time.  It tended to be a decision for the day versus a continuous need.

My youngest two children are adopted.  My older adopted son, William, is much like my birth children.  He has a natural balance with television.  In fact, he rarely finishes watching a show before he is out creating his own reenactment of whatever he was viewing.  I have seen television and movie viewing for this son as a great resource as I described in this post.

My seventh child, Joseph, has finally given me the opportunity to make a mindful choice on my position on the television question.  He is my first child that seems to overuse television.  He is also my only child I have had who would be classified as ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) if I believed in diagnosing such a thing.  He definitely has a high energy level.  He is also an extravert (another of my only traits!).  Put those two things together and you often have a child that likes to get up and in people’s faces to meet his needs.  In my experience with many high needs children, the ages up to 11-13 years old is a time of helping my children learn skills and strategies to manage their high needs.  In other words, before that, it doesn’t always look pretty around here as they figure it out:  anger, impulsivity, frustration, picking, meltdowns, explosions, aggression, disrespect . . . it’s all there being figured out.  How do I conduct myself in order to achieve positive relationships?  That’s a huge part of my job during the 2-10 year stages.

For the first time, I noticed that television could be used to give myself a break from a high needs child.  I’m pretty sure ADHD type of children often are quite calm during television viewing.  Joseph was no different.  Again, another opportunity for guilt . . . nah!  When he was younger and his most intense, television was something he chose consistently and I had no problem with that.  There still seemed to be some level of balance all in all.  However, I noticed as Joseph got a bit older, and at the same time, more competent in his behaviors and relationships, his television viewing increased.  All of a sudden, my observation showed that he was using television as a convenient babysitter.  As an extravert, Joseph liked being with people ALL the time.  In fact, I find that playing alone is not something he does very well.  So, the interaction of the television filled that role.  But, I noticed he would turn it on and just go from one show to the next, sitting like that for hours on end, days on end, weeks on end.

Although I noticed in myself a little bit of a desire to take the easy route and let the television viewing continue, I knew it was time for Joseph and I to release the need for television to serve the function it did.  Because the fact of the matter was, evidence through observation showed that the productive function had lived its course.  Joseph was more capable of interacting with people respectfully and  I needed to be in a space to encourage more of it and support his next emotional and behavioral growth.  Plus, for some reason, probably my age and stage as well, I just couldn’t stand the “noise” from the television.  So, I instituted a “no television until 6:00 p.m.” space.  I say space because rule really wasn’t what it was about.  I told Joseph that “I notice that you sit in front of the television and don’t move for hours.  I think you need to find other things in your life.”  So, according to unschooling think, I had just created the “forbidden fruit.”  I never had to do this before.  I was curious myself what was about to unfold!

It’s been 3-4 months since this began.  If I recall, I remember Joseph habitually going to the television.  I would remind him of the new plan.  Really, I think the most difficult thing for him was to figure out how to balance his extravert needs with the idea that not everyone will be available to him.  Yet, William did usually want to be part of some play scenario, and now that they could do so much more effectively with both of their better emotional and behavioral skills in place, they were really starting to enjoy each other.  And trust each other.  At this time, Joseph doesn’t ask to watch a movie from time to time often (I separated that somewhat out from the television viewing aspect).  He’s even having times of playing by himself successfully.  He is engaging more often on his own initiation on focused learning.  He even wanted to learn to play the violin and speak Spanish.

What I don’t see is him “sneaking” television in.  Or feeling denied.  Or going to friends’ houses to get his fix.  I see it opening the space up for him to explore lots of other things that he wasn’t choosing to do because it was easier to sit in front of the television.  I am not against television.  I find it a highly useful resource.  I don’t across the board make sweeping judgments or decisions or declarations about it for every person in the family.  I use my power of observation, my attunement to the needs of each of my children, and assess the function this particular tool is being used for and come up with individualized plans to support each child on their journey of growth and learning.  I think when that happens, good things result.  It did in this instance.

Filed Under: Collaborative Learning, Family, Unschooling

Collecting Articles About College, Unschooling, and Success

April 9, 2008 By applestars

I currently have two adult children, by society’s standards and their age identification process. My oldest recently turned 21, and my next will be 19 at the beginning of summer. Both have been unschooled all their lives. Both have found their passions. Both are working out their purpose.

Abbey, my only daughter, and the person who will be 19 this summer, is a fantasy writer. She has been dedicating full time hours to this pursuit for several years or more now. When college came up, at first, she considered it, but quickly thereafter, upon looking at the process of pursuing it and the sacrifices involved for the product promised, she immediately stated ‘you’ve raised us to question the status of learning traditionally, why should I embrace it now? I’m going to look into my alternatives’. She is doing just that.

Interestingly, the only reason she keeps the possibility of college on her consideration plate is because that’s where all her peers are, and she wants the opportunity to date and be married. She figures she may have to go where she can find lots of people in the same pursuit. Lately, she’s questioning the reasoning again. Just like the 3-18 age range, it DOES take more creativity to find one’s social outlet when the choice is to not engage in the institution that segregates these ages away from real life.

My oldest, Eric, just turned 21, is trying to decide which of his many interests and talents would be best to pursue in lieu of his recent realization that college is not for him. He stumbled on a site that was searching for voice actors for a fan-made radio drama that he auditioned for and received the part. This is an area he’s considered off and on for some years now. He’s also considering writing manga. He figures he will find other employment to support himself until his pursuits are realized in a way that he can independently exist. He originally had liked the idea of Japanese history, but figured it can be incorporated into these other areas as well as simply enjoying it for its own benefit.

It makes full sense that always unschooled people would continue that path as adults. I was able to listen to a panel of grown unschoolers at the Rethinking Education conference last September, and most had foregone college. All were finding their way based on what was important to them. That’s what I’m seeing in my children. They don’t know any other way than to exhibit silent resolve that they will make their way.

So, I find myself needing to gather articles for my own continued deconditioning during this phase of life. Boy, I thought the kindergarten transition was tough; the adulthood transition is tougher out there with all the expectations for this stage in our society and all the underlying definitions of success. So, I revisit my original goals for unschooling: Encourage my children to find work they love so they don’t have to work a day in their lives. And, so the journey continues. And, they DO love their lives . . . today. They have loved their childhoods. And they expect to love their adulthoods. How many can say that?

The article I found by Alfie Kohn at the blog of LIFE with Granola *Girl* fits this well. It’s found here. Of course, the outspoken John Taylor Gatto is always a go-to guy when it comes to these matters, and Life Learning Magazine recently published his “A Letter To My Granddaughter” about “Don’t Worry About College”. And, while I was reading over at Life Learning Magazine, I found Sarabeth Matilsky’s article “Redefining Success” that I felt would resonate with my children.

I’m just beginning my journey in my search for inspirational articles and like-minded people in the same stage, so I’m open to hearing other recommendations from any of you who have found some good ones! Of course, my own journey started some years ago, when my oldest led me to unschooling in the first place. He hinted at unschooling continuing into adulthood when I wrote this, and this, so it is simply time for me to fully embrace what it all means and offers in our continued joyful living path!

Filed Under: Beginnings, Homeschooling, Interests, Right-Brained/Visual-spatial Learners, Transitions